hmmm...beautiful things. (;

i had the most excellent time watching and enjoying the good things in life. today's badminton is very awesome. everything became so so great. i'm enjoying my time with this current batch. i really am. well, that's not the motive of the post. time to update again on my accounts and thoughts on life being rampant in a uniform organisation. heard stuffs that some people committed suicide because of love. cruel hor? never understood how they had the guts to jump. anyways, teenage romance is a norm and i do ahve my views on it.

in singapore's society, our first encounter with the opposite gender is in secondary school. you can pity those single sex school , for them it will be in jc, universities but also army if they have a special reference! aaaah living the life of a 15 year old is a time of exploration, breaking away from being a kid and maybe 'act' to be an adult. actually came to think of it, i never wanted to grow up.being a kid is fun and i believe we can always remain cute and curios like a child, when making mistakes are fun.

as we grow our thinking changes, most of our minds are really not stable (eg. wen jie. jun xi. larry lol) and decision-making is often reckless and impulsive. i made a lot of mistakes and most of them often ended with regrets. i need proper guidance and monitoring or else the situation will be disastrous and irreversible. It's nobody's fault! we have to get this straight. parents are not trained to handle teenagers. we need behavioural management that we need. from here, education is vital.

think about the peer pressure you have to go through. the media glamourises teenage romance, the fashion industry targets teenagers, and your friends show off their boysfriends or girlfriends to you. honestly,i feel lousy and i know most of u do too if you like cannot 'catch up'. you have to belong somehow. you have your pride your jealousy, your lack of money and confidence. worst of all, your puberty! aaaaaah!

what is going on here? the school system prepares kids to live lives in the future and juz make mroe money for the country. nobody gives a shit on how teenagers their lives. ok my whole family do. school expects to do something and the parents expect the schools to do EVERYTHING. if not complain right? right? right?

teachers also need jobs looking at the economic meltdown and cannot afford to offend parents.

bleargh, out of point already lol.what is love? aiya, i don't know. i am a failure currently. i never understood how to please people. i only know how to be myself. do you call me 'selfish'? i find there are so many other people who really need your help and companionship. are we really so scared and lose confidence that we must have someone to remind us that we are pretty and good? i am very confused. we fall in love for a 'feel good' reason. because others do it we must also do it? bruises are inflicted on both parties and usually turn to self-doubt and destruction. then, suffer! wah lau!

yada yada yada, oh. i fully understand that teenage-hood is also a time to make more friends.the importance of network.knowing and understanding more peopl will amkke you more aware of our social problems and we learn from there how to tackle them head-on.

you can associate love like appreciating the beauty of a butterfly.when it lands on your palm, you admire and cherish it. when it flies you let it go. if you close your plams, you hurt and even crush it. i do have girls that i love but most of teh time to the worng person. damn agonising!
actually, i never want to possess them.they will always know that i care for them. some say i never go after them, must put in efforts to chase. yes, it's true!. i never chase girls. i find this very disrespectful to the person. i will appreciate her more if she is not one who takes praises to satisfy her vanity.what for if they cannot sense my love? ha!

to end off, just think hard and many times. i may be a loser in romance, i don't one my close ones to fence themselves in a relationship and forget about community living like i used to. also, the urgency we need to integrate more people to fight social problems. lol. i just don't want them to get hurt!

woah seh, i wrote quite alot.hope mr poh gave this topic for oral and i must own it. hehe

careless whispers.

tiring week. i need a hugggggggeee break this weekend. the weekend will be used to catch up on homework as well. joined this Dialogue Competition held by the malay cultural society in RI. thought it was fun and haven't been to RI before, i gave it a try then. met the dudes from RI and got to know a few cool guys. my fullest respect to them, really. was abit disappointed that we didn't win. had high hopes after our performance but in the end it just turned out otherwise. had fun anyway and the food was awesome. hope to be back again sia. here are the photos. (note: most taken by seri ariyani)

B.Z.
time to update again. i can't even remember the sequence of scenarios that happened these past few days. all i know is that it has been pretty hectic even without volleyball. heavy workload and such. still, the situation makes it all awkward. still stumped. still clueless. i don't know what to do next. what move to make. still looking for a sign. please, lord. sheesh. i just hope everything works out fine. anyways, here are the photos of mr fadz's engagement party. (;

this room is dusty, and the conservationist in me refuses to switch on the light,so all im getting is a mere stream from the window.i can hear squels from american idol replay in the hall.dusty dusty, so is my mind actually, memories getting caked with dust already, when it's only been not more than half a year. Growing up is a fast process, not one that i enjoy partaking but it's not as if we have a choice anyway.Yet, when i glance behind some are still in the comfortable ride of happiness, ignorance..it's not that i'm not happy, i am...well i'm not happy but i'm not upset either.& truth be told i am scared, that along with the memories caked with dust, right smack in the middle, there you'll find me just lying there part of the memories, too ignorant to let them go, so who am i right now when the real me is but a mere memory?not sure really, just someone who almost forgot how loud he could laugh,just waking up doing the usual routines, excuse me but really, since when did i do routines?i'm just merely existing at this point of time,& i would never have thought myself to be like this at all.

digressing..

okay i know i'm slow but the dates 16th-18th March will etched eternally in my memory. SCMUN '09 has become a reality to me and the other generation of leaders, bridging friendships from different background trading ideas, experiences and of course, our particulars. i'm very exuberent about how we teenagers gather together actively debating and discussing about world issues.i just realise that the flow is the magical state where everything that we all say and touch feels effortless and falls into place like it's meant to be. they foud their own voice before using it to inspire others. many great individuals there. it's hard to believe some of them are of my age and croons words that suggests maturity well beyond the 20s.though their little outbursts and mild profanity during debates would remind you of the 13-17 year olds that we actually are. The saddest thing now is regretting not fulfilling my role, my potential and desire at this wonderful stage. Security Council mates are the coolest bunch plus our very effective but then silly and ridiculous delegates. you guys had made the whole course worthwhile. how fruitful it was when we decided to have an ice breaker after a much heated debate.this whole experience so valuable. the dinner and dance, sounds and lights, crisis and some others were very engaging. everybody did a good job. congrats to the winning delegates and hopefully, we'll keep in touch. miss you guys loads. (: (: (:

after a long phase of good health, it's about (effing) time i got sick.
yea, at the wrong time. and i need a camera handphone where i can take pictures and put it in my blog. heh

note to self: im supposed to be sleeping. Good luck staying awake tomorrow

had this moment' before sleeping. Was listening to mayday parade while everyone was asleep, and have you seen the stars there? And i started to feel, alone. Can't help feeling small, when im but a mere spectator to God's simple pleasant wonder of diamonds against a deep blue backdrop. I miss some people alot. i miss my acoustic too. i miss my own better self.

nothing to post about these days.

at night we watch the stars explode with you

i'll just do this before i go for prayers.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
1. my face
2. my stamina
3. not really.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. dominently malay
2. muslim
3. my grandma's chinese.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
1. hatred
2. death
3. loss

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. play a sport
2. computeeeer
3. food, drink, bathe etc

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. hair
2. nice arms. oh goshh, (;
3. not too thin. lanky.

THREE NON-PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
1. funny!
2. intellectual
3. polite.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. the pride, the ego
2. a major slob. i can be a real bum. just ask my dad, im suprised im not thrown out of the house yet.
3. loves to be out

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES
1. listen to music
2. movies.
3. being with good company

oh, i'm disappointed with everything lately. currently dull and predictable. i'll rejuvenate. don't worry. take cares.

(an excerpt of someone's blog)

The only remedy for a barren heart is prayer,
however poor and inadequate …

We must pray,
and pray for each other,
and if you were here,
I'd fold hands with you,

because we're poor, weak, sinful children.

random, don't blame me if you don't bother about my day