what was i thinking? what was i doing? i need better clues. and hints. demoralizing event. i guess i'm psychologically weak. repercussions to a scenario really snowballed to make the rest of the day bad. so fuck. somewhere and somehow, i'd try to figure out a sign from God. but really, it's pretty vague. one occurance can mean a thousand things.

but i realized that i've been very bad to my siblings. mum talked some senses to me. i was a bit vexed to a huge extent. still, i couldn't actually rebel against my understanding mam, now can i? i think i put too much pressure on my siblings and i'm kinda like a big bully towards them. but that's what big brothers do, right? the world isn't always fair. and i kinda did my part at home so i deserve the power that i have. lol.

"you shot me down as i flew by..."